Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
