wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
