Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
