You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
