I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
