so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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