***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
