Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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