I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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