i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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