Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Are my feet made of real feet?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
