lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
