Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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