Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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