I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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