well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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