have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
