do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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