M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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