I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
