Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My vagina just clenched in fear
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
