i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
