Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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