I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
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Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
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How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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