I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
