Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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