Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
