That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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