Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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