Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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