these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
