4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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