Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
