i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
