oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
