Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
