Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
