I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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