Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you had me at cake vodka
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Randomize
