PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
