Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
