the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize