I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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