I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
