watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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