You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
high people should be assigned attendants
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize