and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
