yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
