i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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