so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
