3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
