Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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