what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
