I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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