Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
