plz talk dirty to me
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
