idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
