I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
