My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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