you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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