so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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