is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
