i think i have two assholes
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
