youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
