From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
